Lord, draw near to me once more. Be my sight and my song, be my only reason for breath. It is You that I care for, and it is You who holds my heart; nothing else and no one else. You are truth and it is You whose promises never fail. Keep your faithfulness and love near so that I may replicate it to others, and prepare this heart for whatever You have planned. I choose You, Savior.

Ps. I am still a double-major. Long story short, my love of music outweighs my fear of a daunting class schedule, and the Lord especially made that clear during choir tour this last weekend. :)

Happy Thanksgiving Break!

 

This was from my birthday night, which was a lovely celebration with great friends all around, like my dear Gennean here.

I am in a big transition phase of life currently; both in the immediate context as well as the context of the last 6 months or so. The Lord has been so adamant in refining who I am in Him, and that process has been equally rewarding as it has been challenging. In this present time, I have been reevaluating what it is that I am seeking in my future. There has been a big struggle this last week with the decision of whether or not I will remain a double-major in English and Music. It has been so hard to decipher if I am simply getting overwhelmed by the daunting 2 and a half years left of 18 unit semesters, plus two more summers of extra schooling, or if it is truly in my heart that becoming a Music minor will still be able to offer me the investment I thrive off and seek for in my love for music. 

It's true that switching to a minor will not change much of my involvement in the department; I will still get to partake in piano, of course, as well as choir, and I will also still have some music courses to develop my craft. Ultimately, switching to a minor will allow me to register for all the classes I need, open up availability to become a dorm RA next year as well as really seek out a job, and lastly, give me the opportunity to confidently finish college in 4 years without breaking the bank or sacrificing my complete sanity.

At the same time however, I have to be cautious that I am not missing out on the big picture. If there is any single time in my life where I could crank out all my energy to accomplish something that will benefit me for the days to come, it is right now, in college. I definitely am capable of finishing a double-major (and technically a minor, as well) in 4 years. I will take a full class load until I graduate, I will do a couple more summer courses, and I will forego luxuries like only have 2 classes a day or being able to sit for 20 minutes and eat lunch. In the big picture, those are not the worst things to have to miss out on. My worry though, is that it will cause me to sacrifice many other (fruitful) opportunities, when I could still be getting out of music what I love about music--playing piano and singing.

Entering college, I did not want to be a Music major. Actually, I've never wanted to be a Music major. I love music, I adore playing piano, but getting my degree in Music was never something I necessarily desired. This isn't to say I haven't loved being a Music major this last year and a half, because I have. This also isn't to say that getting my degree in Music wouldn't be beneficial for me. It would be ignorant to assume that I can confidently say I will never teach Music, at whatever level, because there is no possible way to know that yet. I do know, though, that Music is my hobby, and it always has been. Being a Music minor would still grow and challenge that hobby, it absolutely would. It is just that bittersweet aftertaste of knowing that I will no longer be a double-major, I won't have as many classes with my beautiful, fellow Music-majors, and then the idea that I might wish I had gotten my Music degree alongside my English degree in 20 years.

So, if you are still with me, (haha) thank you for bearing through my thought-process with me. I just paused to actually talk about it some more with Hanner, and I think deep down I already know my decision, which is to be a minor. How the logistics of this decision will play out, I do not know yet, but I can be confident that God is taking care of and preparing those ahead of me as we speak. I think I will still take 18 units this semester and not officially declare my minor, just as a buffer, in case in another 6 months something huge happens that makes me wish I had still been a major. 

Here is the beginning of that process though...cheer, cheer? Prayers regarding this specific area of my life would always be appreciated, as well! The Lord is continuing to grow me into a Daughter who seeks His face first, and I know that if I continue to discover His will in regards to my future, I will not fail. 

I believe a smile is coming to my lips...I believe that is something called peace, and blessing.

Happy Sunday, everyone.

So, remember this adorable top that I blogged about in July? Well, this last week I received an unexpected package in the mail from my beautiful Aunt Jeanine, who I had the pleasure of seeing a couple weeks ago when I was home, and in this package was THIS shirt plus a very sweet handwritten letter! I believe in one of my very early blog posts I said that I think a letter is one of the most special gifts a person can receive, especially ones that are unanticipated. It made my entire week! It is not often that little packages of love (nor any mail, for that matter) arrive in my mailbox, so this was quite exciting. (And it happened to arrive on the day I had both a Physics test and a history midterm. Talk about perfect timing.)

Currently I am sitting in my wing, enjoying freshly baked pumpkin seeds, and getting ready for yet another week. (Ooo! A week that is also my birthday week!) It has been pouring all weekend. Which has been beautiful. This rainy weekend equaled:

tomato soup
cookie baking
first eggnog purchase of the season
listening to records and dancing
running to wal-mart in the Hustler with friends to buy a pumpkin (that is yet to be painted)
seeing my best fran and getting to catch up over apple crisp and hot cocoa at BJs
going to Amy's house for a girl's night (blueberry pancakes and hot apple cider for dinner!)
wearing my beautiful Rodarte raincoat for the first time
Metro this morning (have I gone into detail yet about how much of a blessing that has been? I love my church)
and oodles more of lovey things

I've entered into such a beautiful season of life. There really is a time for everything, and even though sometimes that season at first seems foggy...boy, when the fog lifts to reveal the glorious sunshine and clear skies, it has the power to knock you over. Jesus is so real, He is so real that it never ceases to make me smile. Going to Metro these last couple months has been more than I could have ever hoped for. Jesus continues to meet with me every single time I walk through those doors, and just in this last month I've really been able to get plugged in. It is an answer to prayer all the way from summer. I've made some beautiful new friends, been on a few adventures, and shared too many laughs to count. It is simply wonderful. Aah! I can't express this joy.

I hope everyone has an uplifting week in the Lord---May we participate with Him in removing our grave clothes, entrusting our hearts within the endless quarters of His own, and understanding that His love for us is too great to even grasp. What hope, what promises.

Happy rain-tea-reading-cozy-pumpkin-OCTOBER-fall weather!

PS. I am now learning three piano pieces. That is three times more than last semester. Twitter moment: #ireallyloveplayingpianosomuch

:)

I have been wanting to blog for so long that it pains me to think how long I have had to wait. Due to extenuating circumstances, cough, an overload of homework and zero time to sit at an actual computer and do things like write and upload pictures, blogging has been put on the back-burner. What a shame--or as we use to dramatically say in high school Spanish class--que laaaaastimaaaa.

This last weekend was my beautiful, wonderful, amazing friend Gennean's 21st birthday party. (She is pictured along with Jenn, another lovely friend of mine). We had a little surprise get-together for her beforehand, and then a large group of us went to the most ideal and dreamlike house I have ever been to for the actual party. Literally, this house was perfect. Wrap around porch, country view, hammock, chickens running free, a pond, a wood-burning furnace, oak paneling for the walls....everything perfect and homey you could imagine--it was there. Gennean is one of my very best friends, and I am so grateful I was there to celebrate another year with her.

As for me, life has taken a busy turn. Busy. I am in a desk from either 8a.m. or 9a.m. to 3p.m. or 4p.m. every day. I have this small (huge?) desire for more hours in a day, but regardless of how much I have to do, the Lord has been faithful in allowing me to get all my tasks done. Of course, this is not to say they haven't been completed without a few less hours of sleep and a missed class or two--but alas, they have been finished! Thank God.

Mid-term break is at present, coming at the perfect time, and I have been able to visit my extended family and grandparents, because Grandpa had quadruple-heart-bypass surgery Tuesday morning. He is 84-years-old and the toughest man I have ever met. And Grandma is the most womanly, Godly woman I have ever met. I hope I can be half the woman she is when I am her age. My goodness, talk about a power couple ;) I have thoroughly enjoyed being able to visit him in the hospital and see some aunts as well. On Sunday night I get to attend Hanner's brother's wedding reception, which Jeremy and Jessie will be home for, so I am greatly looking forward to that. Until then, I am trying to stay motivated in homework and piano practice...(the distraction of endless baking supplies and my large, beautiful bed to sleep and read in all day are almost too much to bear!) But somehow I am managing.

I feel as though I could write a lot more about life...a lot...but I will spare you until next time. Happy fall, happy pumpkin-spice lattes, and happy Friday! Let us reflect our blessings back to the One who has provided them.

Oh hello, beautiful-piece-of-art-that-can-hardly-really-be-edible. Van Gogh cake? Heart-attack in one bite? Probably cost a trillion dollars? I'll take it.

Headed back to school now! I welcome you, week 4, to be one of laughter, growth, and blessings. (And if we're lucky, cooler weather and cozy fall sweaters!)

Have a great Monday!

Well, I'm randomly home again! My beautiful friend Hanner, (Hannah) who now also goes to Jessup, was coming down to Lodi for the weekend, and since most (basically all) students from school are at our fall retreat... I thought I'd take advantage of the opportunity and come spend some more quality time with those good 'ol parents of mine! It was a great choice.

Since being back, I've already:
had a delicious dinner (that's reason enough to come home)
gone on a super great walk with my mom (another perfect reason)
practiced piano for a substantial amount of time (man, that too)
ate a midnight snack of sliced avacado, swiss cheese, crackers, and an apple (does this count under the dinner reason? let's generalize it to real food)
watched the Gossip Girl premiere (not a good enough reason, but it was nice watching it on my large couch)

So obviously, coming home is the best, no matter what. I never really came home much last year, and I definitely didn't think I'd already have been back two times in one month this year, but I really can't complain. The comfort in having a place of familiarity and rest to go home to for a weekend is always appealing. I really love being at school as well though, so my decision of whether or not I was actually going to come did take some extra thought. (The above reasons pretty much sealed the deal though. That plus I had a free ride plus the campus is pretty barren currently, sad).

Anyway. Here is what the actual post is about. See that super cute flower painting up there? Artist profile here, and I found it via this, which is aka awesomeandsofun. Etsy never ceases to amaze me. Go play, please. It will maybe make you smile, and who doesn't want to smile?

Happy weekend!

I've come to realize that memories, beautiful as they may be, are the hardest part of progressing. Being home this weekend has been so relaxing and enjoyable, but at the same time it has actually been more interesting for my 'moving-on' process than school has. There are many, still vivid and close, memories from summer within these walls, and it is hard to remember them with such clarity and know that they are all over now. Anyway, currently I am listening to Felix Mendelssohn's "Song without Words," which is a beautiful and lovely piano piece that seems stretch into eternity and provide endless delight for my ears. I think I want to learn it for this semester; but that's a digression.

The title of this piece actually very appropriately fits my life right now. The song is a series of different 'movements,' and each one changes completely from the previous. The first one is full of beautiful melodies, slightly slow, and the second has rapid, repetitious notes in the left-hand, making it more urgent and deliberate. The third one falls back into a sense of calm, bringing back the notes of peace and simplicity. As it continues for many more movements, it follows this pattern of calm and more chaotic, calm, more chaotic.

A song without words is quite ironically a song full of words, because it is full of emotion. I feel like I'm sort of living out this title. Or, at least, I seem to identify with it somewhere within me. There is so much I am feeling, so many revelations, joys, hurts, fears--everything--and it is so much inside that there are no words to fully express it. It is still beautiful though, and still there, and some parts are more confusing, more dark, but overall there is this mass of melodies and harmonies that are all working together for a bigger purpose--the whole song--the whole piece--ultimately, my life; the future--God's purpose and plan.

The memories of laughter and love, even up until 2 weeks ago, are the only significant roadblocks in my path right now. I went through the shock, the tears, the anger, the acceptance. Now it's just those memories--especially as we move into a season that started everything a year ago--and looking back on experiences shared, jokes exchanged, firsts, lasts, everything, that will cause that small ache within my heart to ache just a little bit more. I am not broken though, I have not been overcome. My heart is full from the love of my Savior, the presence of guiding parents, and the joy of many friends from a more-than perfect school. Oh yes, blessings are plentiful, and new memories will be made, and I must believe that they will be just as sweet as the old ones.

Forgiveness, acceptance, and peace are truly gifts from above. Without my Father, I do not know where such concepts would come from, nor how I would be able to learn from them, nor how I would even begin to obtain them.

The wheels in this process are steadily moving, and oh God, I am so thankful for that.