This was from my birthday night, which was a lovely celebration with great friends all around, like my dear Gennean here.
I am in a big transition phase of life currently; both in the immediate context as well as the context of the last 6 months or so. The Lord has been so adamant in refining who I am in Him, and that process has been equally rewarding as it has been challenging. In this present time, I have been reevaluating what it is that I am seeking in my future. There has been a big struggle this last week with the decision of whether or not I will remain a double-major in English and Music. It has been so hard to decipher if I am simply getting overwhelmed by the daunting 2 and a half years left of 18 unit semesters, plus two more summers of extra schooling, or if it is truly in my heart that becoming a Music minor will still be able to offer me the investment I thrive off and seek for in my love for music.
It's true that switching to a minor will not change much of my involvement in the department; I will still get to partake in piano, of course, as well as choir, and I will also still have some music courses to develop my craft. Ultimately, switching to a minor will allow me to register for all the classes I need, open up availability to become a dorm RA next year as well as really seek out a job, and lastly, give me the opportunity to confidently finish college in 4 years without breaking the bank or sacrificing my complete sanity.
At the same time however, I have to be cautious that I am not missing out on the big picture. If there is any single time in my life where I could crank out all my energy to accomplish something that will benefit me for the days to come, it is right now, in college. I definitely am capable of finishing a double-major (and technically a minor, as well) in 4 years. I will take a full class load until I graduate, I will do a couple more summer courses, and I will forego luxuries like only have 2 classes a day or being able to sit for 20 minutes and eat lunch. In the big picture, those are not the worst things to have to miss out on. My worry though, is that it will cause me to sacrifice many other (fruitful) opportunities, when I could still be getting out of music what I love about music--playing piano and singing.
Entering college, I did not want to be a Music major. Actually, I've never wanted to be a Music major. I love music, I adore playing piano, but getting my degree in Music was never something I necessarily desired. This isn't to say I haven't loved being a Music major this last year and a half, because I have. This also isn't to say that getting my degree in Music wouldn't be beneficial for me. It would be ignorant to assume that I can confidently say I will never teach Music, at whatever level, because there is no possible way to know that yet. I do know, though, that Music is my hobby, and it always has been. Being a Music minor would still grow and challenge that hobby, it absolutely would. It is just that bittersweet aftertaste of knowing that I will no longer be a double-major, I won't have as many classes with my beautiful, fellow Music-majors, and then the idea that I might wish I had gotten my Music degree alongside my English degree in 20 years.
So, if you are still with me, (haha) thank you for bearing through my thought-process with me. I just paused to actually talk about it some more with Hanner, and I think deep down I already know my decision, which is to be a minor. How the logistics of this decision will play out, I do not know yet, but I can be confident that God is taking care of and preparing those ahead of me as we speak. I think I will still take 18 units this semester and not officially declare my minor, just as a buffer, in case in another 6 months something huge happens that makes me wish I had still been a major.
Here is the beginning of that process though...cheer, cheer? Prayers regarding this specific area of my life would always be appreciated, as well! The Lord is continuing to grow me into a Daughter who seeks His face first, and I know that if I continue to discover His will in regards to my future, I will not fail.
I believe a smile is coming to my lips...I believe that is something called peace, and blessing.
Happy Sunday, everyone.