Wednesday, November 24, 2010

 I have tried to write on my occurrences of nostalgia a few different times, but just now is it finally flowing freely.

I am so thankful. I am thankful for a heart that has been kissed with healing by my Savior. This season was very different for me last year. I was smitten, new to college, on the brink of growth, and so blissfully naive. My memories of this time last year are inevitable. What I am grateful for, though, is that I can sit here, in this moment, and welcome them with a smile. I cannot express how wonderful it feels to feel peace in how everything has played out. It is an absolute blessing to hold no bitterness, hold no anger, hold no resentment. These waves of nostalgia still seem so close; I can still remember so many of my thoughts and feelings, and of course, my heart still feels them too, but they are not being suffocated by hurt, and that is truly something to thank my Almighty Protector for. There is still healing, and there will probably be mini-hurdles to jump in the future, but right now, tonight, I can remember my year, my summer, and just be thankful for it.

Love is weird because it is supposed to be what awakens us and makes us feel alive. It is believed to be the ultimate power that can heal anything. "If you love each other, that's all that matters." But this really isn't the case. At least, not this type of love. True love does drive out fear, but that love only comes from Christ. And this other love, the one we experiment with as we grow older, is conflicting because at the same time that it does awaken us, it also holds us captive. We give our hearts over to so many things that we have no control over, and when that happens, there is potential for hurt. I am open with the fact that I was hurt, but I will be more open with the fact that this hurt has spurred me on to grow into someone I am proud of, not scared or ashamed or insecure of, and I think the same has happened on the other end. Love is going to come and go when it is not the love that God has planned for you. And that is hard, there is no saying that is not hard. The part that matters, though, is what you do when you lose that love---when you lose that one part of your heart you thought you had locked tight but also worried would somehow get broken. I don't know what it looks like individually, but I just know that I am grateful for such a hard year of wrestling with identities when the final product is being where I am now. I will always cherish that first trial of love, and I will always look back with favor and peace, knowing that it was one more part of my life that grew me into the woman Christ is yearning for me to be.

Be healed, be thankful, be open for what is to come. He is holding us still.

Ps. Those are some pictures from Fall Tour :)


  1. thanks for writing this. love you, my friend <3

  2. thanks for reading it, I love you back my dear jennifer <3

  3. I love you so much. I love you who are and who you're becoming. I love your growth, and I love the things that have stayed the same. I love how much closer we have gotten, and I can't wait to see just what else God has in store for you. You're amazing.