4.20.10

"Tis hard for man to rouse his spirit up-- 
It is the human creative agony, 
Though but to hold the heart an empty cup,
Or tighten on the team the rigid rein.
Many will rather lie among the slain

Than creep through narrow ways the light to gain--

Than wake the will, and be born bitterly."

Diary of An Old Soul, George MacDonald

This is one of many daily prayers by George Macdonald, who was "a Scottish novelist, poet, and Christian writer." The words of wisdom for today's date are very applicable for me, so I thought I'd share. It takes an immense amount of strength, hard work, and dedication to surrender my spirit into God's hands. I can try every day, but it is guaranteed that at some point during that day, even if it is only for a second, a pang or flash of discouragement will seep in. I have been having a couple days like that now. Sure, it might be easier just to give up; to put my heart into and empty cup and lie among the slain, letting mistruths and negativity triumph over me. BUT. Here's the thing; light comes through narrow ways, it does not just reveal itself in its entirety wherever it goes. It must be searched for. I recently discovered a new favorite Proverb, from the beginning of Ch.2, that applies to this as well: "and if you call out for insight, and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God." Giving up on growth is like giving up on hope and light. Hope is what I have, light is what I desire. But I must be seeking them out as the most precious items I will ever behold, like silver and hidden treasure, for they are sacred, and they can only come from God. He will sustain us, we must not forget that. 

On Saturday, a group of us went to the Rivercats baseball game in Downtown Sacramento. I never realized how inviting that area is. I'd love to walk those streets again in the daytime, being able to soak in all the architecture and busyness, and maybe even snap a few [better] photos. 

It was such a fun night, and being able to giggle with my love on a Mexico blanket only added to it. Time to go finish a paper now...

p.s. in case you were worried, my severe injuries from my bike accident are healing nicely, minus one sketchy scab (the love was right, it was suspicious from the beginning) Good day!