Monday, March 28, 2011

This is probably the most blatantly candid I will ever be on this blog, but writing is the only way I can process.

I am on the verge of tears as I sit here, typing away as if I do not have a million other tasks to be completing. Stress has stayed consistent since last week, but it seems that the expectations only continue to rise, making stress consequently do the same. I've finally had a chance to write in my prayer journal, and while the presence of the Lord always seems to make those brimming tears overflow, He is also very quick to wipe them dry. At this point, the amount and level of 'stuff' I have going on until spring break is no longer able to be amounted into words. But, this shouldn't mean I allow it to take over me and stop trusting in the One who knows I am going to make it through just fine. And yes, more than fine.

The Lord, now that I think about it, has been teaching me a lot about trust, but I didn't realize until now that there are many different facets to trust. I've learned to surrender a certain areas to Him, and am now at complete peace with those, but He is currently drilling it into me what it means to trust in Him in times like this; where I simply have an overload of work to complete but not nearly enough time to complete it. I need to trust that this period of craziness in scheduling is merely that; a period. It is not going to last forever and I will not die as the result of it.

Not only do I thus need to be diligent in my time usage, I also need to be joyful and thankful throughout. Shocking, I know, that the Lord wants us to be joyful during times of hardship, but He does. My attitude has suffered so badly this last week, worse than it has in a very long time, and that was such a sour reminder of how my character was before Jesus saved me from it. Attitude determines almost everything, but it effects absolutely everything. There is no point in being stressed AND having a terrible attitude AND complaining all the time AND wasting time dwelling on these burdens. Being stressed takes up enough energy, there is no room to add in all the others! The rest of my energy needs to go straight to the Lord, being thankful and content in Him and sure of His strength.

It is all too easy to let stress control us and then forget that we have an Orchestrator above us who is already piecing everything together. Okay, Lord, trusting in You round two has been in full swing for about a week now, thanks for letting me see what You were doing prior to total self-destruction. ;)

One day task at a time. Today, I must dig into this piano lesson. I will then grab my things, and head straight to life-guarding training where I will be until 8:30p.m. There I will be confident, alert, and excited to learn! (Which actually isn't too hard!) Then I will come back, work on ear training, and get to bed in time for a solid 9 hours of sleep. (Last night I went to bed at 8:30 and had no trouble sleeping the entire night...goodness)

My goal is to make it to Friday this week...Friday will meet me with a day off from training and a date with my mother.

That is something to be thankful for.


(the picture? just can't help but make me smile...that elephant is stoooooked)

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