Friday, January 8, 2010

Rainy Days.

Rainy days are always good for something. It could be a movie, some hot chocolate, lounging all day, or reading a book. I don't know what it is about them. On this particular rainy day, I've done a lot without having to do a lot, all at the same time. I'm in sweats, yet I still did my hair and part of my make-up. I watched t.v., but not for an overwhelming amount of time. I ate two meals, (brunch= pumpkin bread and tangerine, late lunch=salami with cream cheese, pepporcinis, and crackers) but didn't indulge. It's been quite the productive day, but in a very low-key way. And that's my favorite kind of productiveness.

 I had a really good talk with Jeremi last night after that blog entry. I didn't realize that it had kind of put me in a funk- reliving all the events once more. He gently prodded me to talk, since I was being slightly distant and distracted. Finally I did. He just listened. He's really good at that. I told him how I hadn't really talked aloud about the aftermath of David's passing yet. How I felt like that by going on with life, involving myself with all my same habits and activities, that he would be forgotten and shoved aside. That left me between a rock and a hard place- either thinking 24/7 about how much I miss him, and ultimately being completely non-social, or disregarding him altogether, pushing him out of my thoughts, in order to maintain. Neither one was working, hence the blog entry, hence the funk. Jeremi told me that obviously forgetting him was the last thing I was going to let happen, since here I was, crying and talking about it. I laughed. I simply just said, "I just, feel like I can't go on living the same way after this. Something needs to change. Something this major can't happen, effect me, and then I go on being complacent still." I told him I wanted to start living with substance. Call it a New Years Resolution, sure, but it's in honor of David; a way that I can continue to remember him without mourning him. David helped me remember that time is fleeting. It is precious, fragile, and fleeting. I waste entirely too much of it, doing countless things that have no fulfilling factor to them- no substance. As this was coming to me during Jeremi and I's talk, I jotted down on scratch paper what I wanted to begin doing:
  • More Jesus
  • More Bible
  • More prayer
  • Less me; No me
  • Stop comparisons- stop focusing on what I see that I want in others and begin to develop what God sees in me, letting that be my confidence
  • No trashy television shows (i.e. Gossip Girl- major addicting, major waste)
  • Purity
  • Be a better friend, taking advantage of the friendships I have and cultivating them more

It's time to start living in a way that will produce results. Life is too short to let it slip by without putting some effort into it. The pursuit of holiness is the key to happiness.


  1. um, hi there-
    i am in awe. you are so stinking cool.
    you have blossomed..
    and you represent all things lovely :)as your blog represents.

  2. Based on these words: "um, stinking, and lovely," I can only come to one conclusion: this anonymous post is Michelle Alva.
    I love you shell. :)