I had a couple moments like that this last week.
But then I go to places like my piano lesson, or have experiences like last night; where a choir, a family, can come together for recording week and put forth our absolute best efforts and our best attitudes and create an experience that is unbelievably beautiful.
All the reminders begin to kick in at that point;
We are a family; we work so hard together, we encourage each other, we love each other, and each of us have something so different to offer than the person standing next to us. Yet, we all share the same passion: creating music that changes lives and changes hearts. It is unlike anything I have ever been apart of. I realize that the reason I can get so easily affected by the challenges that come with being a music major is because it is something that is very intimately connected with who I am. When I fail to contribute wholly, or do poorly on assignments when I know I could have done so much better, and my professors call me on it, and my pride becomes hurt, and my attitude shifts...it's because I am being challenged (positively) in every way possible: as a student, as a musician, as a leader...everything.
There is no question that I have doubted being a music major this last semester. But it is so humbling when I remember that music is how God brought me to Jessup. It is humbling when even though I shed a few tears in my piano lesson, my teacher continues to push me encouragingly, wanting me to press on and be the best I can be, because she knows the potential is there. It is humbling when your choir director glances up during practice and smiles, and tells you he is happy you are here, and that your presence is valued and needed. It is humbling when I sit down at that piano bench and let my soul play the keys for me; when even if I hit a wrong note, or two or three, it doesn't matter because it is being driven by passion and it is one more opportunity to learn.
I have a family in the music department, and we are all so dependent upon on one another. We couldn't be who we are without our professors, without our peers, and likewise our professors couldn't be who they are without us and each other. We feed off each other, we drive each other. What we put into this is what we get out of it. We understand failures, successes, long nights, late practices. We understand how we can get ministered to through music just as much as we are ministering to others.
Oh man, there is just nothing like it, and I pray that the Lord will always remind me that talent doesn't define passion, but passion does define your talent. My passion is there, all of my fellow music majors' passion is there, and how we choose to utilize our passion for the greater purpose of who we are as individual musicians and cooperate musicians will change everything.
