Together, we are a struggle and a Victory
a battlefield and a Shelter
a question and an Answer.
You’re consistent and I’m consistent
and sometimes that makes our
relationship hard.

I love You but can’t always show it
don’t always show it
won’t always show it
yet somehow You are able to love me back
unconditionally
fervently...
painfully.


I don’t know why You do it.
Why do You keep doing it?
Sometimes I wish You wouldn’t
because the fact that You will always be here
just always, forever, be here,
can be hard to understand
especially when it’s true.

It makes zero sense
when I know the pages of my heart
are riddled with black spots and tears
and big gaping holes that at times seem impossible
to fill.

It’s just that its thirsty for something
but doesn’t know how to quench it;
so it grabs onto everything but You
and is surprised when it doesn’t fulfill.
It should know better by now,
but the missing piece remains
and its directionless
body is leaving a stain.

I don’t really get You sometimes
I hope it’s okay that I may never get it
but I want to trust enough to know that
You are real and You are good
and dryness is okay because dryness is life.

You aren’t in the business of substituting
trials for joy
dead fruit for new fruit
patience for deliverance;
no, Your goal is to work with me through it
wrestle alongside of me
push me to believe in You,
because You believe in me.

Loving You is hard and not feeling You harder
because all I really want is
to talk with You for hours
and hear You say my name
and be hugged when I cry
and gently pushed when I’m scared
but since Your love calls me to faith
I will try to understand that
by choosing to do life with You.
One day those things will be true
and never again
will Love
be something that is
hard
or confusing
or questioned
but rather
natural
and instinctive
and perfected.

Perfected.

I will wait for You there, Jesus.